Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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