Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
