You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
