Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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