i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
its liver damage thursday
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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