Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
