I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
