Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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