I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
