she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
