we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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