Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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