My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
