maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
