I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
