The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
