So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
