is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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