Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
