I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
