i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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