i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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