she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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