Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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