Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize