Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
