me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
