No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
