i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
