this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My life is pants optional.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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