Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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