I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
