I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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