i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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