I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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