Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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