apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
