I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
