If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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