she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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