where am i from again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
