my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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