The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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