I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
