i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
