I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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