What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
