God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
birth control should be required to get into college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
