At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
