I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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