I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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