Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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